My pal Josh pulls up to the corner as I cross the street and says “I brake for you.” As he drives off I yell back at him “thanks for braking for the old guy.” I turn on my heel and skip left to avoid a miserable looking Millennial/hipster gal walking home. I get 10 feet down the sidewalk and this Jack Jeebs (from Men In Black) looking Millenial/hipster type with a close cropped beard, John Lennon specs, a flag tweed brown vest and mismatched gray tweed sport coat with arm patches, holding four plastic gallons of water and a Von’s reusable grocery bag says “what did you say to my girl?”

 Me: I was talking to my friend in the Camaro.

I keep walking along. He steps behind me.

 Bad Tweed Dude: I said what did you say to my girl.

 Me: Nothing.

 Bad Tweed Dude: Listen man watch it. I’ve got plastic water bottles.

 Me: Look tough guy go inside and play video games.

 I keep walking because if I turn around I will drop him on his about to win a Darwin Award tuches but he needs the last word.

 Bad Tweed Guy: How did you know what I was going to do.

 I hope I validated his feelings.