A Diary Of Life Among Millennials

Tag: William S. Burroughs

Life On The Red Line

On the Red Line last night after my shift, I find a seat pop out Queer by Burroughs when I look up and see this fidgety 29 year old guy in a black kevlar vest, several mags of ammunition on his chest and a holstered pistol he keeps fingering. He has a nondescript security guard patch on his left shoulder and he’s eyeing the car suspiciously.

I wondered why I was the only one in the car who was at all taken aback by this guy and then it occurs to me that a third of the car is off their meds and rambling incoherently, a third is nodding off from the H they just ingested to cut across the Meth and a third just don’t seem to care this guy is eyeing them and stroking the grip of his weapon. However, due to the events of the past few weeks I start looking for a way off the car before he starts shooting.

The train pulls into the Vermont /Wilshire station and I run to another car where I alert two off duty MTA employees that there is a man in body armor, dressed totally in black with his hand on a pistol he is carrying openly. They glared at me until I sat in the back of the car as far away from what I was sure to be some form of stupidity coming at any moment.

I jump off the train, note the time 9:34, run up the stairs and call 911. Total time on hold waiting for an operator 2 minutes 10 seconds. She listens impassively for 30 seconds and says I’ll pass on the information. Click.

30 minutes later I get a call from the LAPD asking me for a description and where I think the man with gun is now.

“I don’t know,” I tell them. “Some place between the Vermont/Santa Monica and North Hollywood stations.”

“That’s a lot of ground to cover. We’ll do our best looking for him,” the cop tells me and hangs up.

I don’t know about you but I feel safe.

The Millennial Cut Up Technique

Submitted for your approval: a transcription of two twenty somethings talking as I sipped on a Tito’s Immaculate Conception at the Local.   The words are easy to understand as they are uttered in English but the context, syntax and grammar appear to be in a foreign tongue unknown to most but spoken fluently by the Gentrifying denizens of East Hollywood known as Millennials.

1: No I’m talking about my sister’s friend. He’s a big fan of Kazakhstan.

2: Dude he must be into ballers.

1: That’s because he’s into popping pills all time. He must be Andy Garcia.

2: You know what’s weird I don’t remember seeing Ocean’s 13 but I totally remember seeing it.

1: Dawg you must have been to Paris with a cat burglar. I don’t remember seeing it but I saw it when I was learning English.

2: Dude it’s like all about the subtitles. And languages, not to mention words used in vampire lore

1: You are a serious guy dude.

2: The Louvre has never come up in conversation.

1: The French Revolution was the world’s coolest party that got out of hand.

2: Just like my frat man.

1: It was so cool with that movie and the guillotine.

2: You need to drink a diet soda and kill quickly.

1: That’s like Snow White.

2: It all seems like a cliché dude.

1: Yes you got it in there.

2: It’s over and over again dog.

1: Vape?

2: Not in front of the audience.

1: Basically they’re 3,000 strong.

2: Because every time you die you come back.

1: It’s over and over again dawg.

2: White people suck rightfully so I totally get it.

1: It’s just still gripping so drink the water because I love this movie so hard.

2: But only if Russell Brand is being racist and Brad Pitt hangs out on set for like a year.

I am forced to conclude William S. Burroughs’ Cut-Up technique has become passé.