A Diary Of Life Among Millennials

Tag: Holmes

The Mandy House

 

A familiar anomaly in the neighborhood last night: a vacant house with a boarded up door drawing foot traffic from the East Hollywood YUNNies and Homeless folk.   It seems the signs warning Do Not Enter and Trespassers Will Be Prosecuted  weren’t having the intended effect to my Ironic beard wearing and toothless fellow neighborhood denizens. In fact, by 11am this morning I watched 15 people use a three knock code on the wooden slat door to be let in to do whatever it is they do in the house of some sort of repute.

Finally after what seemed like an eternity you know 5 minutes, a tout in a Dodgers shirt and hat came up to me from the Water store on the corner.   After the usual street pleasantries and assurances that no, I wasn’t 5-0 or the G,
we got down to business.

“Are you here to see Mandy,” he asked.

“Is she fun,” I asked.

“You’ll love Mandy,” he said.

“She’s that good, huh”

“Mandy will make you feel great Holmes.”

“Will Mandy make me want to go be a force for good both here and abroad,” I asked.

He looked at me for a few moments not quite understanding my question. “Mandy’s not a broad Carnal.” With that he turned, mumbling in Spanish and  walked back in to the Water store.

Note to self: I found the exterior to the Crack, er Cat, er Mandy House in my next project entitled “Lyft Driver.”

The New Solon’s

 

Last night two recently minted late 20 something lawyers from a local law school were sitting next to me at the Local. During the course of their conversation, which may or may not have been in an English vernacular known to anyone other than Millennials of their vintage and place, the Juris Doctors in question decried the lack of a good education system in the US.

JD 1 – The reason our schools be like fucking like suck in LA dog is because of bilingual education, man.

JD 2 – You’re so fucking right holmes. We teach too many kids in their own language yo.

JD 1 – Bro, we can’t teach kids from like Spain and like Portugal and like Mexico and like Great Britain in their own tongue. It costs too much money holmes.

JD 2 – Especially like the kids from like Great Britain, bro. Teaching their language fucks our shit up, yo.

JD 1 – We should run you for office bro. Then you can fuck their shit up.

I give you the Solon’s for the next generation. Somewhere Mr. Churchill is crying into his brandy.